I would say that likening intercultural relations to a business is a bit too reductive. Marriage is fundamentally a contract between two individuals to become one entity under the law. However, the challenges of these relationships are a lot more nuanced in my experience.
The challenge of dating someone from another culture, in this case women from East Asia, what looks like racism is simply differing cultural relationship values colliding. Racism is irrational so someone from another culture tries to rationalize what they see and experience through the lens of their culture. For example; a Chinese woman is told not to date black people because they are not successful but what is success here though? She doesn't know. So, she frames what she's told to the values she knows at home. Success is education achievements, certain careers, ect.
Eastern cultures are typically more collectivistic so there is always a familial and societal consideration when deeper relations are considered. Your connection to your family, friends, and community, and how they are perceived are big factors. It may seem business like but I think that is just our way of rationalizing and understanding a different culture.
I see your points and don’t disagree with you. There’s tons of nuance here that have been very interesting to read and reflect on.
You make a valid point about how comparing intercultural relations, particularly marriage, to business relationships may feel reductive. However, it’s essential to clarify that while both business and marriage require commitment, trust, and effort, the deeper emotional, cultural, and societal dimensions of a marriage, particularly one involving intercultural dynamics, add layers of complexity that a business analogy may not fully capture.
Your point about marriage being a contract between two individuals to become one entity under the law is true, and it highlights the deep personal and legal dimensions of the relationship. In a business, decisions are often more transactional, based on goals and outcomes, whereas in marriage, emotions, personal growth, and connection are at the forefront. The stakes in marriage are emotional and interpersonal, often leading to more complex and nuanced challenges than in business partnerships.
Regarding your point about intercultural relationships and the clash of differing cultural values, I agree that many misunderstandings stem from the collision of cultural norms and expectations. In your example, the perspective of a Chinese woman potentially reframing what success means within the context of her culture is a great example of how cultural values shape individual views. You're absolutely right that what may appear as racism is often the result of differing values and worldviews. In intercultural relationships, the challenge lies in understanding and navigating these differences without judgment but with empathy and open-mindedness. When cultural expectations—whether surrounding career, success, family, or societal roles—differ, it can create tension in a relationship, but it is not necessarily malicious or rooted in prejudice. Rather, it's about the integration of multiple cultural viewpoints.
The familial and societal considerations in Eastern cultures, as you point out, are crucial in relationships. These collective values play a significant role in decision-making, particularly when it comes to relationships, and they often influence how individuals approach love and marriage. A marriage in many East Asian cultures may not be seen solely as a union between two individuals but also as a relationship between families, communities, and social circles. The pressure to align with familial expectations or societal norms can be a significant challenge for individuals in intercultural relationships, especially when these expectations don’t align with more individualistic or Western values.
While you mention that it may seem business-like to view these cultural differences as a "rationalization," this is an attempt to find meaning and understanding where there might be initial confusion or judgment. You’re right in observing that what might appear as an overly transactional or logical framework (as in business) is often our way of trying to bridge a gap in understanding cultural practices and values. In this way, the comparison to business becomes a tool to rationalize something unfamiliar, but it's important to recognize that relationships—especially intercultural ones—are far more intricate, emotional, and context-driven than any business transaction.
Ultimately, comparing intercultural relationships to business may help us understand the need for communication, adaptation, and negotiation, but it risks oversimplifying the profound emotional and cultural nuances involved. The success of an intercultural relationship, particularly in marriage, lies not just in pragmatic strategies or adapting to societal expectations, but in truly understanding and respecting the cultural, emotional, and psychological dimensions that shape both individuals in the relationship. While it may not be perfect to liken these relationships to business, it can still help us understand the importance of navigating cultural differences thoughtfully and with mutual respect.
) reminds me of Singapore.
